I am so excited about the new year. So many things happened in 2010 that made the year kind of a downer for us. I am so optimistic that 2011 will be better. I can't wait! I thought it would be fun to make a list of all the many things that happened in 2010.
January, February, March and the beginning of April: I was plagued with awful morning sickness. Well, night sickness mostly. Eww. I was crabby and miserable and probably really hard to live with.
Mid-late April-I felt better, but also said goodbye to a precious angel.
May, June & July-wasted my summer away desperately trying to lose the weight I gained when I was pregnant. I did it, but that is no fun either.
August-had a crazy month of family & Weddings. Fun, but busy! Also, my baby turned TWO! That was hard for me!
September-ran into some medical issues that had us and my Doctor believing we would probably never conceive another child. We also found out that if we did, we are at very high risk for having another baby with Down Syndrome or another chromosomal problem.
October-We found out that I am pregnant! Due in June! On the down side, October was also when the morning sickness showed it's ugly face. Much more bearable this time with the help of a little white pill called Zofran. What a relief to not throw up everyday!
November-Family reunion over Thanksgiving! It was so much fun. Daniel has a very large family, so we were able to use the cultural hall at the church. The boys played basketball and we had a family friend who is a photographer take pictures.
On a not so happy note, we also found out in November that my Mother in Law will soon be leaving us for a year to go on a mission for the Church. While we are trying to have faith and we know what she is doing is good, we are still really struggling with this. Ethan loves his Grandma. He won't understand, and I am afraid he won't remember her. I know he probably will, but it is still sad. It is also sad for us. She has been there through every trial and happy time in our life. She will not only miss the birth of her grandchild, but she will miss a good portion of the 1st year of the baby's life. We depend on her so much, so this is really a huge struggle for us.
December-Here we are! We finally got to go to Great Falls for Christmas! It has been the 1st time in YEARS! It was kind of sad because my Mom and sisters aren't there though.
I have a sister I really worry about, and that has caused a lot of tears this month. December has also been a month of illness. Ethan has been sick more this month than he ever has! It has been awful!
I convinced myself that I wasn't going to announce my pregnancy...for a loooong time. It was especially hard telling the few close friends who knew about September's problem. I had JUST sobbed on their shoulder and the next month I'm pregnant! I felt like an idiot, but oh well. We didn't know! I realized today, that if you saw me you would know, so I might as well come out of the closet. I have run into people that I feel wanted to say something but didn't. And keeping a secret gets old. And I don't like feeling like I'm being starred at. Other than family, co-workers and a few close friends we haven't told anyone. I actually JUST told my parents at Christmas. Last but not least, Ethan has been the highlight of our year. He is just so darn cute and is getting smarter everyday. I don't know how we would have survived the year without him!
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Confession
I have a confession to make. (Other than the fact that I am a really bad blogger. Life is just too busy!)
Here it is: This is my least favorite time of year. I don't hate Christmas. I actually like what the actual purpose of the season is. However, I feel that there is way too much focus on Santa and presents and not near enough focus on the birth of our Savior. There is nothing wrong with children getting excited about Santa and all the fun stuff, but I just think it gets out of control. To be honest, I haven't decided how we will introduce Santa to Ethan. He has presents under the tree and he will get his stocking filled, but he is too young to understand that they came from "Santa." I hear people talking about getting kids all these gifts from Santa, and I just don't know how I want to do it next year when he will have a better understanding of it all. Santa is not real, and I don't know if I want to tell him "Santa is coming tonight!" I don't want to take the fun out of it, but I also don't want to talk him into believing something that isn't real. When I was a child, I don't ever remember TRULY believing that Santa was real. I pretended to believe it because we got presents from him. I guess I have a whole year to figure it out. Same goes for the Easter Bunny and the tooth fairy, but they aren't near as famous.
Back to why I dislike this season. It probably sounds crazy, but this is a really sad time of year for me. I anxiously await for it all to be over. Don't worry, I'm not a total downer. We decorate, I bake, and do all the normal things people that like the Holidays do. I just get tired of wearing a happy face when on some days I just want to cry. I think it is great that this is one of the few times a year that people focus on those in need and many people are very generous. The thing is, those people are in need ALL YEAR. Many of my family members included. I have family who I see suffer so much and who do need help. I just wish I had the money and resources to help them. I do what I can, but it is still hard to see family suffering and struggling to house, feed and provide for their kids. As a parent I can't even fathom how heartbreaking it is not to be able to provide gifts because providing food & shelter is a struggle. This time of year just makes it more sad. That is the main reason I don't want Ethan to get lots of big gifts. It is really hard not to spoil our only child, but in the coming years we are going to be very careful that his Christmas memories are not about lots of gifts, but about being with family, celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ, ect. He will still get presents, but I want to keep everything very small and simple. So there. Merry Christmas everyone. And bah-humbug. :)
Here it is: This is my least favorite time of year. I don't hate Christmas. I actually like what the actual purpose of the season is. However, I feel that there is way too much focus on Santa and presents and not near enough focus on the birth of our Savior. There is nothing wrong with children getting excited about Santa and all the fun stuff, but I just think it gets out of control. To be honest, I haven't decided how we will introduce Santa to Ethan. He has presents under the tree and he will get his stocking filled, but he is too young to understand that they came from "Santa." I hear people talking about getting kids all these gifts from Santa, and I just don't know how I want to do it next year when he will have a better understanding of it all. Santa is not real, and I don't know if I want to tell him "Santa is coming tonight!" I don't want to take the fun out of it, but I also don't want to talk him into believing something that isn't real. When I was a child, I don't ever remember TRULY believing that Santa was real. I pretended to believe it because we got presents from him. I guess I have a whole year to figure it out. Same goes for the Easter Bunny and the tooth fairy, but they aren't near as famous.
Back to why I dislike this season. It probably sounds crazy, but this is a really sad time of year for me. I anxiously await for it all to be over. Don't worry, I'm not a total downer. We decorate, I bake, and do all the normal things people that like the Holidays do. I just get tired of wearing a happy face when on some days I just want to cry. I think it is great that this is one of the few times a year that people focus on those in need and many people are very generous. The thing is, those people are in need ALL YEAR. Many of my family members included. I have family who I see suffer so much and who do need help. I just wish I had the money and resources to help them. I do what I can, but it is still hard to see family suffering and struggling to house, feed and provide for their kids. As a parent I can't even fathom how heartbreaking it is not to be able to provide gifts because providing food & shelter is a struggle. This time of year just makes it more sad. That is the main reason I don't want Ethan to get lots of big gifts. It is really hard not to spoil our only child, but in the coming years we are going to be very careful that his Christmas memories are not about lots of gifts, but about being with family, celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ, ect. He will still get presents, but I want to keep everything very small and simple. So there. Merry Christmas everyone. And bah-humbug. :)
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Daniel's big 3-0!
Here is a sneak peak at Daniel's surprise birthday weekend. Much more to come. We had so much fun!!! Elisa and Tamera surprised Daniel by coming from Utah and we all had a great time.
-Friday night we ate at the Rib & Chop house, and everyone else went to Kyle's Football game afterwards
-While we were at dinner a good coworker friend took him out to a potato farm. He got to ride in a farm truck and came home with lots of potatoes. He was so excited to show me his "special" potato. It was a funny looking deformed one.
-Saturday-we went to Rocky Creek Farms and saw all the pumpkins. They had a small petting zoo and Ethan had a blast. He got to "drive" a tractor on the way to the field. Those pictures are on Elisa's camera so I will post them when I can.
-Saturday night we had Daniel's party at the park. We had cake, played games and had fun trying to get the candy and toys out of the pinata. There were many strings hanging from the pinata, and one of them was suppose to release the candy. Well, none of them worked. The boys ended up throwing footballs at it and it got beat against the tree until it opened. Whatever works! What a busy fun filled weekend we've had!
-Friday night we ate at the Rib & Chop house, and everyone else went to Kyle's Football game afterwards
-While we were at dinner a good coworker friend took him out to a potato farm. He got to ride in a farm truck and came home with lots of potatoes. He was so excited to show me his "special" potato. It was a funny looking deformed one.
-Saturday-we went to Rocky Creek Farms and saw all the pumpkins. They had a small petting zoo and Ethan had a blast. He got to "drive" a tractor on the way to the field. Those pictures are on Elisa's camera so I will post them when I can.
-Saturday night we had Daniel's party at the park. We had cake, played games and had fun trying to get the candy and toys out of the pinata. There were many strings hanging from the pinata, and one of them was suppose to release the candy. Well, none of them worked. The boys ended up throwing footballs at it and it got beat against the tree until it opened. Whatever works! What a busy fun filled weekend we've had!
Thursday, August 26, 2010
The Family: A Proclamation to the World
I have been all emotional lately, and I can't pinpoint exactly why. I know I have been in a spiritual rut for the past few months, and am actively trying to bring myself out of it. We had a speaker in church on Sunday say something that really hit me hard.
Not a direct quote: Does your child know more about Thomas the Train than he does about Jesus, or the story of Daniel in the Lion's Den?
I honestly didn't get anything else out of that talk, and it took all that I had not to start bawling my eyes out. Ethan knows every Car's character and most all the super heroes. He can even spot the Blue's Clue's Dog from a mile away! He can point out Jesus, but I know we haven't spent enough time providing for his spiritual needs. We do Family Home evening almost every week, but we don't put enough time into preparing a lesson. We usually read a few Book of Mormon or New/Old Testament stories, and end with ice cream.
However, we are getting better at involving him in our nightly prayer. Sometimes he does really well. He will usually kneel with us, (or crawl all over us) and say, "Amen" in the sweetest voice humanly possible. Some nights, he'll yell and talk through prayer. My favorite thing so far:
Daniel had just started praying, and Ethan yells "Amen!" mid prayer. Daniel barely got through the rest of the prayer without laughing. It really was funny!
I decided to take some time and read over “The Family: A Proclamation to the World”
Again, it got me all emotional. This part really stood out:
“Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. ‘Children are an heritage of the Lord’ (Psalms 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations."
I want Heavenly Father to be pleased with the way we are teaching and raising our son. That puts a lot of responsibility on our shoulders. I have a lot of work to do, and I'm not going to let Satan make me feel inadequate any longer! Check back with me in about 17 years to see how we did.
Not a direct quote: Does your child know more about Thomas the Train than he does about Jesus, or the story of Daniel in the Lion's Den?
I honestly didn't get anything else out of that talk, and it took all that I had not to start bawling my eyes out. Ethan knows every Car's character and most all the super heroes. He can even spot the Blue's Clue's Dog from a mile away! He can point out Jesus, but I know we haven't spent enough time providing for his spiritual needs. We do Family Home evening almost every week, but we don't put enough time into preparing a lesson. We usually read a few Book of Mormon or New/Old Testament stories, and end with ice cream.
However, we are getting better at involving him in our nightly prayer. Sometimes he does really well. He will usually kneel with us, (or crawl all over us) and say, "Amen" in the sweetest voice humanly possible. Some nights, he'll yell and talk through prayer. My favorite thing so far:
Daniel had just started praying, and Ethan yells "Amen!" mid prayer. Daniel barely got through the rest of the prayer without laughing. It really was funny!
I decided to take some time and read over “The Family: A Proclamation to the World”
Again, it got me all emotional. This part really stood out:
“Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. ‘Children are an heritage of the Lord’ (Psalms 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations."
I want Heavenly Father to be pleased with the way we are teaching and raising our son. That puts a lot of responsibility on our shoulders. I have a lot of work to do, and I'm not going to let Satan make me feel inadequate any longer! Check back with me in about 17 years to see how we did.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
With the warm weather that we have had, I have found it hard to resist ice cream. I find it particularly hard to resist Cold Stone & Dairy Queen. Looking up the calorie content makes it a lot easier! I thought I would share some of my findings. Thank goodness for the new mini-blizzard! I can indulge and not feel as guilty! I am only including my favorites:
Dairy Queen:
Oreo Brownie Earthquake Blizzard
mini-430 calories
small-660 calories
medium-880 calories
Cookie Dough Blizzard
mini-420 calories
small-710 calories
medium-1020 calories
Butterfinger Blizzard
mini-340 calories
small-470 calories
medium-740 calories
Reeces PB Cup Blizzard
mini-370 calories
small-530 calories
medium-760 calories
Oreo Blizzard
mini-350 calories
small-550 calories
medium-680 calories
Cold Stone:
French Vanilla Ice Cream with Brownie, Fudge & Caramel
Small-688 calories
Medium-891 calories
I have to stop right there. I like Cold Stone too much. It's a good thing their location is really inconvenient and we don't go there very often!
I feel as though I should keep going...Just so fast food totally grosses you out...if it doesn't already.
Mcdonalds:
A Big Mac Value Meal (with diet or no soda)
920 Calories
OR
Cheeseburger Kids' Meal (with diet or no soda)
531 Calories
Chicken Nugget Value Meal with BBQ sauce (with diet or no soda)
890-Calories
6-Piece Chicken Nugget Kids' Meal with BBQ sauce (with diet or no soda)
557-Calories
(deduct 50 calories if you don't use sauce)
Do you want Coke?
Small Coke:155 calories
Medium Coke: 203 calories
Large Coke: 310 calories
How about the "healthier" items?
Grilled Chicken Sandwich
420 calories
"real fruit" smoothies
278 calories
Ok, I'm done. I can't take anymore.
Dairy Queen:
Oreo Brownie Earthquake Blizzard
mini-430 calories
small-660 calories
medium-880 calories
Cookie Dough Blizzard
mini-420 calories
small-710 calories
medium-1020 calories
Butterfinger Blizzard
mini-340 calories
small-470 calories
medium-740 calories
Reeces PB Cup Blizzard
mini-370 calories
small-530 calories
medium-760 calories
Oreo Blizzard
mini-350 calories
small-550 calories
medium-680 calories
Cold Stone:
French Vanilla Ice Cream with Brownie, Fudge & Caramel
Small-688 calories
Medium-891 calories
I have to stop right there. I like Cold Stone too much. It's a good thing their location is really inconvenient and we don't go there very often!
I feel as though I should keep going...Just so fast food totally grosses you out...if it doesn't already.
Mcdonalds:
A Big Mac Value Meal (with diet or no soda)
920 Calories
OR
Cheeseburger Kids' Meal (with diet or no soda)
531 Calories
Chicken Nugget Value Meal with BBQ sauce (with diet or no soda)
890-Calories
6-Piece Chicken Nugget Kids' Meal with BBQ sauce (with diet or no soda)
557-Calories
(deduct 50 calories if you don't use sauce)
Do you want Coke?
Small Coke:155 calories
Medium Coke: 203 calories
Large Coke: 310 calories
How about the "healthier" items?
Grilled Chicken Sandwich
420 calories
"real fruit" smoothies
278 calories
Ok, I'm done. I can't take anymore.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Lurkers?
I'm just curious...who is actually reading my blog? I would like you to identify yourself. :)
When I made my blog public, I made the decision to not add any photos. Anyone who I am comfortable viewing my photos is a friend on FB. There are too many people from my past that I don't want in my business. If they do find my blog, at least there aren't photos. I'm not a good writer, and don't have many interesting things to write about. It still feels good to type it all out, even if nobody reads it!
When I made my blog public, I made the decision to not add any photos. Anyone who I am comfortable viewing my photos is a friend on FB. There are too many people from my past that I don't want in my business. If they do find my blog, at least there aren't photos. I'm not a good writer, and don't have many interesting things to write about. It still feels good to type it all out, even if nobody reads it!
Thursday, August 12, 2010
So Blessed!
I probably sound like a broken record, but I really do have the best husband ever. Ethan fell ill on Tuesday, which made me a nervous wreck. Not only is he the best husband, but he is the best Father ever. I am also grateful for a mother in law who will drop what she is doing to come rescue us when Ethan or I am sick. Did I mention she lives 3 hours away? She stayed with him the 1st day, and Daniel took time off to stay with him today. Why did I not stay home? As you may have read in a previous entry, work is crazy until September. I have not been getting my normal Wednesday off because there is 1-2 people on vacation at a time. I have not been a happy camper! It makes me extra grateful that I have a husband who is able & willing to take time off to care for our son. Not all dad's would do that. He really pulls his weight when it comes to parenting. I don't do anymore than he does. He's the best. That's all.
What do you do when you fall off the horse?
You get back on, right? I fell off a week ago. (The healthy horse) To make myself feel better, I have a list of reasons why:
-August 6th: We went to Great Falls, and went to the Fair, and I HAD to eat at Taco Treat!
-Steven & Jess's wedding was on August 7th, and things were just crazy busy...with lots of good food involved!
-We had a family birthday party for Ethan on August 8th. We had to eat cake with him!
-August 10th: Ethan came down with a stomach bug at daycare. I went into worry & stress mode and ate whatever. We had pizza, and ice cream that night. (Daniel & I did...the poor sickie got crackers and Popsicles.)
The good news is, I haven't missed working out! I'm still sitting at my 20 lbs lost. It is time for me to get going again! Even though I haven't gained, I still feel blah. I just feel so much better when I eat better!
Even better news: The bug Ethan had was very short-lived! Thank goodness!
-August 6th: We went to Great Falls, and went to the Fair, and I HAD to eat at Taco Treat!
-Steven & Jess's wedding was on August 7th, and things were just crazy busy...with lots of good food involved!
-We had a family birthday party for Ethan on August 8th. We had to eat cake with him!
-August 10th: Ethan came down with a stomach bug at daycare. I went into worry & stress mode and ate whatever. We had pizza, and ice cream that night. (Daniel & I did...the poor sickie got crackers and Popsicles.)
The good news is, I haven't missed working out! I'm still sitting at my 20 lbs lost. It is time for me to get going again! Even though I haven't gained, I still feel blah. I just feel so much better when I eat better!
Even better news: The bug Ethan had was very short-lived! Thank goodness!
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Reason #345334 that Daniel is so awesome
We watched Carol's son yesterday while she was working. We stopped at Costco, and decided to let the boys share a hot dog for lunch. I cut it all up and put a little ketchup with it, and they went to town. Daniel just so happen to be wearing one of his many super hero shirts. Of all the shirts he could have worn, he wore his white one. He sat next to the boys while they ate lunch, and they noticed all the super hero's on his shirt. They got all excited, and started naming them off. As they named them- they wanted to point to them.
He got all snappy and said, "Don't get Ketchup on my shirt!" The eatery was busy, so I'm sure someone else witnessed what was going on. A grown, almost 30 year old man getting all upset with 2 toddlers that are trying to point out super hero's with their ketchup fingers. He was genuinely concerned they would stain his shirt. Funniest moment of the weekend, by far!!
He got all snappy and said, "Don't get Ketchup on my shirt!" The eatery was busy, so I'm sure someone else witnessed what was going on. A grown, almost 30 year old man getting all upset with 2 toddlers that are trying to point out super hero's with their ketchup fingers. He was genuinely concerned they would stain his shirt. Funniest moment of the weekend, by far!!
...And he DOES understand!!!
I know it has been almost 4 months now, but I still am struggling with a lot of emotions. I don't often show it, but I still think about it a lot. It is probably no surprise that when I see pregnant people I get a bitter feeling inside. I still think at times that it should be ME waddling around.
I told Daniel quite a while ago, that it really was hurting me to see pregnant people. Almost to the point that I wanted to avoid church. I got the idea that he had NO IDEA what it felt like. I haven't brought it up in a least 2 months. Today, as we are making lunch together, he said: "It is kind of annoying to see all the pregnant people at church."
For those that don't know him well, he doesn't mean they are really annoying. They are doing nothing wrong. We don't dislike them at all. The opposite actually. We consider the pregnant people we know friends. What he meant was, "It bothers me too." He is just too macho to word it in a way that would make him look overly sensitive. It still seems silly that this has me all excited, but it is sooooo nice to know that I am not alone!! I do feel stupid for feeling bitter towards people who are pregnant, so it is so nice to know that I am not alone!
If anybody who is pregnant reads this: I hope you don't take offense. We really wish nothing but good for you and your growing family! Please don't feel bad for us. Our time will come.
I told Daniel quite a while ago, that it really was hurting me to see pregnant people. Almost to the point that I wanted to avoid church. I got the idea that he had NO IDEA what it felt like. I haven't brought it up in a least 2 months. Today, as we are making lunch together, he said: "It is kind of annoying to see all the pregnant people at church."
For those that don't know him well, he doesn't mean they are really annoying. They are doing nothing wrong. We don't dislike them at all. The opposite actually. We consider the pregnant people we know friends. What he meant was, "It bothers me too." He is just too macho to word it in a way that would make him look overly sensitive. It still seems silly that this has me all excited, but it is sooooo nice to know that I am not alone!! I do feel stupid for feeling bitter towards people who are pregnant, so it is so nice to know that I am not alone!
If anybody who is pregnant reads this: I hope you don't take offense. We really wish nothing but good for you and your growing family! Please don't feel bad for us. Our time will come.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Do you have picky eaters in the house?
If you have kids as picky as mine, you will appreciate this.
Trick-Veggie Brownies
3 ounces semisweet or bittersweet chocolate
1/2 cup carrot puree (after peeling and trimming the ends, steam for 10-12 minutes and then puree in a food processor for 2 minutes)
1/2 cup spinach puree (steam for about 30 seconds, then puree in a food processor for 2 minutes)
1/2 cup firmly packed light or dark brown sugar
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder2 tablespoons trans-fat-free soft tub margarine spread
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 large egg whites
3/4 cup oat flour or all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon saltNonstick cooking spray
Instructions:
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Coat an 8-inch square baking pan with cooking spray.Melt the chocolate in a double boiler over a very low flame.In a large bowl, combine the melted chocolate, vegetable purees, sugar, cocoa powder, margarine, and vanilla, and whisk until smooth and creamy, 1 to 2 minutes. Whisk in egg whites. Stir in the flour, baking powder, and salt with a wooden spoon.Pour the batter into the pan and bake 35 to 40 minutes. Cool completely in the pan before cutting.
Makes 12 brownies.
Sneaky Mac & Cheese
1/2 pound macaroni (preferably whole-wheat blend)
1 1/2 cups milk
1/4 to 1/2 cup White or Orange Puree (see below)
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 cups grated colby or cheddar cheese
2 large eggs (optional boost)
Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.
Butter a 9-inch-square baking pan.
Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil over high heat.
Add the macaroni and cook according to the package directions, cooking until firm and slightly undercooked.
Drain and set aside.In a large bowl, whisk the milk with the White Puree and salt. (If using eggs, whisk them in with the milk mixture.)
Put half of the macaroni into the baking pan, and top with half the grated cheese.
Next, pour the rest of the macaroni into the pan, and then pour the milk mixture over the top.
Sprinkle the remaining cheese evenly over the top.
Bake the casserole 30 to 35 minutes, or until golden and bubbling. Serve hot.
Makes 4 to 6 servings.
White Puree:
2 cups cauliflower, cut into florets
2 small to medium zucchini, peeled and rough chopped
1 teaspoon fresh lemon juice
1 to 2 tablespoons water, if necessary
Instructions:
Steam cauliflower in a vegetable steamer over 2 inches of water in a tightly covered pot for about 10 to 12 minutes, or until very tender.
Alternatively, place cauliflower in a microwave-safe bowl, cover with water, and microwave on high for 8 to 10 minutes until very tender.
While waiting for the cauliflower to finish steaming, pulse the raw peeled zucchini with the lemon juice (no water at this point).
Drain the cooked cauliflower. Working in batches, if necessary, add the cauliflower to the pulsed zucchini in the bowl of the food processor with one tablespoon of water. Puree on high until smooth. Stop occasionally and scrape down the top and sides of the bowl. If needed, use the second tablespoon of water to make a smooth (but not wet) puree.The puree can be stored in the refrigerator for up to three days, or you can freeze 1/4 cup portions in sealed plastic bags or small plastic containers.
Makes 2 cups of puree.
Note: Double the recipe if you'd like to make extra puree to store for later use.
Orange Puree:
Ingredients:
1 medium sweet potato or yam, peeled and roughly chopped
3 medium to large carrots, peeled and sliced into thick chunks
2 to 3 tablespoons water
Instructions:
In a medium pot, cover carrots and sweet potatoes with cold water and boil for about 20 minutes until very tender. If the carrots aren't thoroughly cooked, they'll leave little telltale nuggets of vegetables (a gigantic no-no for the sneaky chef).
Drain the sweet potatoes and carrots and put them in the food processor with two tablespoons of water.
Puree on high until smooth; no pieces of carrots or sweet potatoes should remain.
Stop occasionally to push the contents from the top to the bottom.
If necessary, use the third tablespoon of water to make a smooth puree, but the less water the better.
The puree can be stored in the refrigerator for up to three days, or you can freeze 1/4 cup portions in sealed plastic bags or small plastic containers.
Makes 2 cups of puree.
Note: Double the recipe if you'd like to make extra puree to store for later use.
-Because frozen, store bought chicken nuggets gross me out a little...I will include this one:
Ingredients:
· skinless, boneless chicken breasts cut in 1-2 inch squares
· non-fat or low-fat buttermilk
· flour for dredging
· finely crushed corn flakes for dredging
· salt and pepper to taste
Preparation:
Preheat oven to 375.
Prepare three large bowls for dredging chicken - 1 with flour seasoned with salt and pepper, 1 with buttermilk, and 1 with crushed corn flakes.
Prepare baking pan by laying a sheet of foil over a cookie sheet; and then place a wire rack on top of the foil.
Season chicken with salt and cut into 1-2 inch pieces.
Dredge chicken pieces in flour.
Shake off excess flour and coat with buttermilk.
Next, generously coat chicken with corn flakes, and place on rack of your baking pan.
Bake nuggets for 15 minutes-or until done.
Flower Eggs
Ingredients:
· Eggs
· Bread
· Smart Balance or other low-fat buttery spread
· Low-fat cheese slices if desired
Preparation:
Preheat oven to 350.
Coat a muffin tin with buttery spread.
Use as many 'holes' as you need.
Push a piece of bread down into the muffin tin so that the corners stick up from the hole and it forms a cup to hold the egg.
Crack an egg into each bread flower.
Bake for 12-15 minutes.
These may be topped with a slice of low-fat cheese.
Ham or Turkey Roll-ups
Ingredients:
· Flour tortillas
· 8 oz. Low-fat cream cheese
· 1 package dry Ranch-style dressing mix
· Sliced deli ham or turkey
· Favorite mild salsa
Preparation:
Soften cream cheese and mix with 1/2 package dry ranch-style dressing mix. Spread cream cheese mixture on tortilla.
Lay a slice of deli ham on the tortilla and roll it up.
Cut into pinwheels.
Dip in your favorite salsa.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Success! Well, almost.
Since I have begun this "diet" adventure, I have discovered some healthy things that we ALL really enjoy. Even Daniel, who will usually avoid anything that is too "healthy." It must be working, so I thought I would share what we have been doing. I am almost to my -20 lb mark, and Daniel is over -20lb lost. (He doesn't have to try nearly as hard. I am eating well AND working out 6 times a week. sigh.)
Our new favorite lunch that is quick, and yummy:
-A 100 calorie sandwich thin (I usually toast mine.)
-A few thin slices of ham or turkey (about 60 -70 calories worth)
-Fresh baby spinach
-Sliced tomato
-thin layer of avocado
....And you have a healthy sandwich, minus the excess calories of your average sandwich! I eat one of those sandwiches almost every day for lunch. I make Daniel's a little more "manly," by adding a little light mayo, and extra avocado. If he is lucky he will occasionally get a slice or 2 of bacon. I hate bacon, so I buy the precooked stuff that you just throw in the microwave.
We also use those for:
burgers, egg white salad sandwiches, breakfast sandwiches, chicken salad sandwiches & grilled chicken sandwiches
When I am in a hurry for lunch:
-lean pockets! My favorite are: four cheese pizza, ham & cheddar, chicken spinach artichoke, & meatball. (I try not to go there more than 2x a week because of the sodium.)
-Happy Meal from Mcdonalds! That's right, I eat Mcdonalds and I can still lose weight. I even like it. It has definitely become a guilty pleasure. I have always liked Mcdonalds. (I just cut myself off of Big Macs:)) By eating a happy meal, I get the satisfaction of fast food without the excess guilt. I don't do it a lot, but when I do- I just make sure to eat extra healthy the rest of the day and I can still keep up with my 2lb a week weight loss.
For Dinner, we have been eating a lot of salads and grilled chicken. We have come to really like spinach chicken caesar salads. (Even Ethan!)
We also eat "normal" stuff as well. Unlike my diets before, I have come to realize that I need to be able to eat most anything for this to be a lifestyle change.
-When we have tacos, I eat just one, or make it into a salad. Before I ate 2 large ones, easily.
-When we have grilled cheese, I use VERY, VERY little butter and skip the high sodium soup. Or I will melt cheese on the 100 calorie thins.
-When we have spaghetti, I measure out my pasta and sauce to make sure it isn't super high in sodium, calories AND Carbs. I try to keep it under 350 calories
-If we have pizza, I get thin crust and eat 1 piece- or 2 if they are small. (after blotting the grease, of course.:))
Here are some dinner recipe ideas:
Summer Spinach Salad:
-fresh baby spinach
-fresh sliced strawberries
-red grapes
-diced cooked chicken (that has been cooked then refrigerated)
- small amount crushed nuts (optional)
-splash of dressing of your choice (raspberry vinaigrette & or any variety of light vinaigrette is good)
Lemon Pepper Chicken with Honey:
-Juice of 2 lemons
-1 TB Olive Oil
-1 TB coarsely ground black pepper
-1- Tsp honey
-2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts
In a shallow dish, combine lemon juice, oil, pepper, honey and salt to taste. Add chicken, turning to coat with marinade, Set aside for 10 min.
Preheat broiler
Broil chicken 4-5 min per side or until done
-Serve with steamed veggies or salad
237 Calories per chicken breast
10g fat
7g carbs
69 sodium
17mg calcium
Chicken-Apple Curry
1 TB canola oil (or less)
8 oz if chicken breast cut into strips
1 golden delicious apple, peeled and diced
1 small opnion chopped
1 TB curry powder
1 cup low sodium chicken broth
Heat oil in skillet over med-high heat. Saute chicken until cooked. Add salt and pepper to taste; remove chicken from pan.
Add apple and onion to skillet; cook until soft. Sprinkle with curry powder and cook for about 30 seconds.
Pour in chicken broth and cook until sauce thickens slightly. Add chicken back to skillet and warm through.
Serve with rice, veggies or fresh tomato with a splash of vinegar
Makes 2 servings
254 calories
10g fat
15 carbs
128 mg sodium
41 mg calcium
Snacks- they get me through the day! I will start with what I snack on the most:
-Sugar snap peas...and a lot of them! (I have always struggled with veggies- spinach, tomatoes, and snap peas are my main source of veggies. I'm trying!)
-FRUIT! (Strawberries, raspberries, grapes, watermelon-pretty much every fruit other than bananas. Too many calories for me to consider it a good fruit.)
-Kellogg's fiber max bars-the chocolate ones (120 calories each) When I need something quick, and that needs to fill me for 2 hrs- that is what I go for)
-90 calorie rice crispy treats
-100 calorie packs of brownie bites, or chocolate chip cookie bites
-50 calorie skinny cow fudgesicle minis (I avoid snacking in the evening if possible, but If I need something other than veggies or fruit that is what I go for)
-Old Fashion Twin Popsicles-Only 60 calories
-Carrot sticks & raw broccoli-there is a reason they are last on the list!
That's it for now! I am a calorie counter, unfortunately. www.calorieking.com has been an awesome resource!! When I get to my goal, I will stop couting calories, and just live healthy!!
And I must add...I drink A LOT of water. Everyday.
Monday, July 19, 2010
It's official. The crib has become a safety hazard.
We have been dragging our feet with the transition from the crib to a toddler bed. Ethan has shown us that NOW is the time to make the change. He was protesting sleep last night and ended up making a crash landing on the floor. We felt horrible, and are more than grateful he didn't hurt himself. It happened rather quickly. We have a video monitor, and we always keep an eye on him until he falls asleep. If we see that he is standing up, we go in there and lay him back down. Last night, we noticed that he stood up, so we went in there to lay him down. The minute we opened the door, we heard the crash that made my stomach drop.
Tonight will be his 1st night in his big boy bed. It is a little sad for me to see him growing up so fast. I'm not even ready for him to turn 2 next month, or to start potty training. I am often asked if he is potty trained or if we are potty training. The answer is NO. I am not in any hurry to have him potty trained. I don't think he is ready, and I know I'm not ready. We will start potty training when we are ready, rather than the "normal." I don't feel that there is any reason we should rush it.
Now that we are on the subject of Ethan, here are a few recent highlights:
* He still loves Lightening Mcqueen, but he now also loves "Buzz-Year" (Buzz Lightyear)
We're hoping he will love Lightening Mcqueen for a least a few more weeks, since his birthday party is centered around Lightening Mcqueen!
*He is getting really tan!!! I know, it is partly thanks to my genes, but it is worrying me. I am ALWAYS slathering on the SPF 50, and after 20 minutes- he is already getting tan. He is too young for the sun to start damaging his skin!!!
*We are teaching colors right now, and he is just too cute for words. He is doing really well! He can point out yellow, red, green and blue....most of the time. Other times, he just starts rattling off colors. He will be holding a blue crayon, and say "weh-yo!" He is getting it though!
*We are also working on numbers. He has a lot of counting books that he loves, and I will count things with him. Then, he tries to do it himself. He will point, and say "2, 3, 1, 2, 2, 3" That one may take a little longer!
Tonight will be his 1st night in his big boy bed. It is a little sad for me to see him growing up so fast. I'm not even ready for him to turn 2 next month, or to start potty training. I am often asked if he is potty trained or if we are potty training. The answer is NO. I am not in any hurry to have him potty trained. I don't think he is ready, and I know I'm not ready. We will start potty training when we are ready, rather than the "normal." I don't feel that there is any reason we should rush it.
Now that we are on the subject of Ethan, here are a few recent highlights:
* He still loves Lightening Mcqueen, but he now also loves "Buzz-Year" (Buzz Lightyear)
We're hoping he will love Lightening Mcqueen for a least a few more weeks, since his birthday party is centered around Lightening Mcqueen!
*He is getting really tan!!! I know, it is partly thanks to my genes, but it is worrying me. I am ALWAYS slathering on the SPF 50, and after 20 minutes- he is already getting tan. He is too young for the sun to start damaging his skin!!!
*We are teaching colors right now, and he is just too cute for words. He is doing really well! He can point out yellow, red, green and blue....most of the time. Other times, he just starts rattling off colors. He will be holding a blue crayon, and say "weh-yo!" He is getting it though!
*We are also working on numbers. He has a lot of counting books that he loves, and I will count things with him. Then, he tries to do it himself. He will point, and say "2, 3, 1, 2, 2, 3" That one may take a little longer!
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Poor Me-(Just complaining!)
These past few weeks have been filled with things that have me throwing a pity party for myself. I despise the saying, "When it rains, it Pours." Maybe I hate it so much, because there is so much truth in it. I just don't understand me right now. I have so much to be grateful for, and things could be soooooooo much worse. I just can't help but be in a serious funk lately. Here is my list of things that are seriously getting me down:
1) HOSPITAL BILLS!!! I was in the hospital for a less amount of time than when I had Ethan, and I am paying practically the same amount. It seem so unfair. We are out about $1,800.00-out of pocket.
2) Changes in Daycare. Ethan has been with the same person since he was 11 weeks old. He has gone to a friend from church 3x a week, who has a son just about 1 yr older. He loves it there, and I have never been worried about him when he is there. I am not mad at her-just stressed that I am now starting over. She is going back to work, and doing what is best for her family. Not only is this the stress of finding a loving home/daycare for Ethan 3x a week, but an added expense.
3)Weight loss woes. (See previous blog entry.) BUT, I am getting to my goal. It just isn't fun getting there. I want pizza and chocolate. Don't even say it. "You can have all things in moderation." No, you can't. Not when you have problems with self control. I am one of those people that can't just have ONE piece of pizza or just ONE cookie. Maybe someday.
4)I have been in a spiritual funk as well. I can't really explain it. I am still going to church and doing the things I know are right, but I am slacking in other areas. I'm working on it.
4)Work. Work usually doesn't stress me out. I love my job. I love the benefits and most everyone that I work with. Summers are crazy with vacations, so I am not always getting my normal 4 day work week. Which means, less time with Ethan...and an extra day I have to find and pay for daycare for him.
5) I have had a lot of bitterness issues lately. I shouldn't be like this, but I feel like other people take their healthy pregnancies and children for granted. I feel that people just expect everything to go perfectly. Maybe I am just mad because I know it doesn't always go "right."
I also feel that some people take their family for granted. (I know, we all complain about family at some point.) I just wish our families were closer to be here for Ethan, etc. It is really hard not having family to lean on when they are a minimum of 3 hours away, so I go to my angry place when people complain about family. To give you an example: My Mom and sister & brother live in Oregon, my other sister lives in the Virgin Islands, and my Dad lives in Great Falls. Daniel's family is in Great Falls and Utah.
Ok, I will stop there. Rant over.
Now, I feel like I need to make a list of things I have to be grateful for. I know my life isn't that bad. We are blessed in more than I can list here.
1)I have an awesome, adorable, funny, healthy son. He brings more joy to my life than I can ever explain.
2)I have an awesome husband who loves me for who I am and whatever condition I am in. I never worry about our future. Call me naive, but I am confident that he will love me no matter what.
3) We have cars that get us where we need to go, and a house to call our own.
4)We have JOBS. Jobs that provide awesome benefits and awesome hours. Now I feel bad about listing work as a stress. I really do have a great job. I go home mad at
times, but who doesn't? I couldn't ask for better hours and benefits.
5)Awesome friends and family that we can always count on.
6)Health for all of us. We have had our trials, but we have overall good health. That is taken for granted WAY too often.
Ok, now that this list is longer, I feel like I can end there. I feel a little better now.
1) HOSPITAL BILLS!!! I was in the hospital for a less amount of time than when I had Ethan, and I am paying practically the same amount. It seem so unfair. We are out about $1,800.00-out of pocket.
2) Changes in Daycare. Ethan has been with the same person since he was 11 weeks old. He has gone to a friend from church 3x a week, who has a son just about 1 yr older. He loves it there, and I have never been worried about him when he is there. I am not mad at her-just stressed that I am now starting over. She is going back to work, and doing what is best for her family. Not only is this the stress of finding a loving home/daycare for Ethan 3x a week, but an added expense.
3)Weight loss woes. (See previous blog entry.) BUT, I am getting to my goal. It just isn't fun getting there. I want pizza and chocolate. Don't even say it. "You can have all things in moderation." No, you can't. Not when you have problems with self control. I am one of those people that can't just have ONE piece of pizza or just ONE cookie. Maybe someday.
4)I have been in a spiritual funk as well. I can't really explain it. I am still going to church and doing the things I know are right, but I am slacking in other areas. I'm working on it.
4)Work. Work usually doesn't stress me out. I love my job. I love the benefits and most everyone that I work with. Summers are crazy with vacations, so I am not always getting my normal 4 day work week. Which means, less time with Ethan...and an extra day I have to find and pay for daycare for him.
5) I have had a lot of bitterness issues lately. I shouldn't be like this, but I feel like other people take their healthy pregnancies and children for granted. I feel that people just expect everything to go perfectly. Maybe I am just mad because I know it doesn't always go "right."
I also feel that some people take their family for granted. (I know, we all complain about family at some point.) I just wish our families were closer to be here for Ethan, etc. It is really hard not having family to lean on when they are a minimum of 3 hours away, so I go to my angry place when people complain about family. To give you an example: My Mom and sister & brother live in Oregon, my other sister lives in the Virgin Islands, and my Dad lives in Great Falls. Daniel's family is in Great Falls and Utah.
Ok, I will stop there. Rant over.
Now, I feel like I need to make a list of things I have to be grateful for. I know my life isn't that bad. We are blessed in more than I can list here.
1)I have an awesome, adorable, funny, healthy son. He brings more joy to my life than I can ever explain.
2)I have an awesome husband who loves me for who I am and whatever condition I am in. I never worry about our future. Call me naive, but I am confident that he will love me no matter what.
3) We have cars that get us where we need to go, and a house to call our own.
4)We have JOBS. Jobs that provide awesome benefits and awesome hours. Now I feel bad about listing work as a stress. I really do have a great job. I go home mad at
times, but who doesn't? I couldn't ask for better hours and benefits.
5)Awesome friends and family that we can always count on.
6)Health for all of us. We have had our trials, but we have overall good health. That is taken for granted WAY too often.
Ok, now that this list is longer, I feel like I can end there. I feel a little better now.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Gyro Recipe
OK, here is the original recipe:
Gyros
1 cup minced onion
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 lbs. ground pork or lamb
4 Tbs. lemon juice
1 tsp. dried oregano
1 tsp. ground cumin
1 cup cucumber, diced
1/2 cup non-fat plain yogurt
2 Tbs. mint, chopped (optional)
4 pitas
1 cup shredded lettuce
1 cup diced tomato
Feta cheese
Spray skillet with non-stick spray and add onion & garlic. Stirring constantly, cook on low heat until soft. Place in mixing bowl w/ meat, lemon juice, oregano & cumin, mix thoroughly. Shape into 4 patties. Place on rack of broiler and broil 3-5 minutes, each side until desired doneness. Combine cucumber, yogurt & mint in small bowl & mix. Cut around edge of pita and pull open to form pocket. Fill pocket w/ lettuce, tomato, 1 meat patty and cucumber/yogurt mixture. Top with feta cheese and enjoy!
Thank you for sharing, Amy!
Here is what I did: Gyros- Taco Style (Not your normal gyro)
1 cup minced onion
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 lbs. ground beef
4 Tbs. lemon juice
1 tsp. dried oregano
1 tsp. ground cumin
Pitas-from Costco
1 cup shredded lettuce
1 cup diced tomato
Feta cheese-from Costco
Cucumber Tzatziki sauce-from Costco
Spray skillet with non-stick spray and add onion & garlic. Stirring constantly, cook on low heat until soft. Place in mixing bowl w/ meat, lemon juice, oregano & cumin, mix thoroughly. I put it all back in the pan and cooked the meat “taco style.”
That is it! We warmed the pitas, added meat, feta, tzatziki sauce, lettuce & tomato! We love gyros, so nothing will ever be as good as buying a “normal” one, but this definitely satisfied my gyro craving!
Local friends: If you have never tried Z’s gyros in Bozeman, you are missing out! She is at the Bogart Farmer’s Market on Tuesdays, and sets up a small stand in the parking lot of Rocky Mtn Seafood Thurs & Fri during lunch.
Gyros
1 cup minced onion
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 lbs. ground pork or lamb
4 Tbs. lemon juice
1 tsp. dried oregano
1 tsp. ground cumin
1 cup cucumber, diced
1/2 cup non-fat plain yogurt
2 Tbs. mint, chopped (optional)
4 pitas
1 cup shredded lettuce
1 cup diced tomato
Feta cheese
Spray skillet with non-stick spray and add onion & garlic. Stirring constantly, cook on low heat until soft. Place in mixing bowl w/ meat, lemon juice, oregano & cumin, mix thoroughly. Shape into 4 patties. Place on rack of broiler and broil 3-5 minutes, each side until desired doneness. Combine cucumber, yogurt & mint in small bowl & mix. Cut around edge of pita and pull open to form pocket. Fill pocket w/ lettuce, tomato, 1 meat patty and cucumber/yogurt mixture. Top with feta cheese and enjoy!
Thank you for sharing, Amy!
Here is what I did: Gyros- Taco Style (Not your normal gyro)
1 cup minced onion
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 lbs. ground beef
4 Tbs. lemon juice
1 tsp. dried oregano
1 tsp. ground cumin
Pitas-from Costco
1 cup shredded lettuce
1 cup diced tomato
Feta cheese-from Costco
Cucumber Tzatziki sauce-from Costco
Spray skillet with non-stick spray and add onion & garlic. Stirring constantly, cook on low heat until soft. Place in mixing bowl w/ meat, lemon juice, oregano & cumin, mix thoroughly. I put it all back in the pan and cooked the meat “taco style.”
That is it! We warmed the pitas, added meat, feta, tzatziki sauce, lettuce & tomato! We love gyros, so nothing will ever be as good as buying a “normal” one, but this definitely satisfied my gyro craving!
Local friends: If you have never tried Z’s gyros in Bozeman, you are missing out! She is at the Bogart Farmer’s Market on Tuesdays, and sets up a small stand in the parking lot of Rocky Mtn Seafood Thurs & Fri during lunch.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Not giving up what I want, for what I want right NOW
As many of you know, I teach Sunday school in our ward. (Youth, 12-13yr olds) I always seem to get more out of the lessons than they do. I was preparing a lesson on Self Mastery, (or self control) and I came across something that had a profound impact on me. It read: “Never give up what you want, for what you want right now.”
In the lesson it had to do with overcoming challenges and temptations in order to receive celestial glory. I can relate there as well, but in my case it is about weight.
Currently I am battling my weight again, and it is a battle I plan on winning. Losing weight is really hard for me. It is more of an emotional challenge than it is a physical challenge. I love to eat. It is that simple. It makes me feel good. And according to Oprah, I use food as a drug. “When you eat when you’re not hungry, you are using food as a drug.” That means I am a straight up druggie.
I eat when I’m sad.
I eat when I’m angry.
I eat when I’m happy.
I eat when I’m stressed.
You get the picture. Losing weight isn’t anything new to me. It seems like I have battled my weight my entire life. I have never been a large person, but large enough to make me incredible unhappy with the way I look. I think from the perspective of other people I have almost always been “average.” According to BMI charts I have spent a lot of time overweight. After I got married in 2002 and moved to Utah, I slowly started packing on the pounds. I have no idea what I weighed when I got married, but I do now that when we moved to Montana in 2004, I hit my highest weight of about 165. I know that isn’t very heavy, but I hated how I looked. I tried different diets that I couldn’t stick to because I love carbs and chocolate too much. They would last maybe a week, before I was eating our weekly pizza and Dairy Queen again. I finally hit rock bottom a year or so later and joined LA Weight loss. I had to go in for weigh-ins 3x a week and the pounds were actually coming off. I was feeling great. I still snuck cheat days in here and there, and actually stopped going in for my weigh-ins after about 3 months. I did not give up though. I kept all my meal plan books and kept at it, and just bought my own digital scale. I also was working out 5 or more times a week. I am proud to say that I made my goal by the time we went on vacation to Florida. (March 2007, I think) The day we left on the plane I weighed 125, and felt awesome. I stayed around 125-130 until I got pregnant with Ethan. Pregnancy took a toll on me, and at 12 weeks post partum I was back at 160. I was still breast feeding, so it didn’t take me long to lose it all again. (pumping actually, and producing enough for at least 3 kids) I started a weight loss competition at work in Feb of 2009, and was at 129 by Ethan’s birthday on August 15, 2009. I can brag now, and say that I did win that competition. The best part was- losing weight was a piece of cake compared to the 1st time. I didn’t step foot on one piece of exercise equipment other than our wii, and I pretty much cheated at least 3x a week. I almost feel like I cheated, because it was so easy.
This brings me to my current situation:
I got pregnant again shortly after losing all my baby weight, and the vicious cycle started again. Unfortunately this time, I don’t have breast-feeding on my side. Instead, I have frustration, anger, stress, sadness, ect. I’m so mad at myself for gaining so much weight in the short 20ish weeks I was pregnant. I had a rough 1st trimester, so when I felt good enough to eat, I ATE. I ate whatever and how much I felt like I deserved. Once I started feeling better, I ate even more. Mostly because I didn’t fear throwing it up. I wasn’t watching what I was eating to say the least.
I guess that would make this my 3rd official weight loss journey. I am now determined to win, again. It has been very frustrating. I have to work 10x harder, and the weight isn’t coming off as fast as it did the last time. I started this journey back at my much hated 160, and am slowly making progress. I have fallen off a few times since I started, but have lost about 12 lbs so far. My mii on the wii isn’t overweight anymore. YAY! (we have a wii fit that I weigh in on)
Every time I want to splurge on a big mac or a huge amount of chocolate, I now here that line from the lesson in my head…”Don’t give up what you want, for what you want right NOW.” I want so badly to be at a weight that I am happy with. It is now a daily battle trying to convince myself that eating that brownie or fries is just giving up what I want, for what I want at that moment. I am not giving that up.
To be continued…
In the lesson it had to do with overcoming challenges and temptations in order to receive celestial glory. I can relate there as well, but in my case it is about weight.
Currently I am battling my weight again, and it is a battle I plan on winning. Losing weight is really hard for me. It is more of an emotional challenge than it is a physical challenge. I love to eat. It is that simple. It makes me feel good. And according to Oprah, I use food as a drug. “When you eat when you’re not hungry, you are using food as a drug.” That means I am a straight up druggie.
I eat when I’m sad.
I eat when I’m angry.
I eat when I’m happy.
I eat when I’m stressed.
You get the picture. Losing weight isn’t anything new to me. It seems like I have battled my weight my entire life. I have never been a large person, but large enough to make me incredible unhappy with the way I look. I think from the perspective of other people I have almost always been “average.” According to BMI charts I have spent a lot of time overweight. After I got married in 2002 and moved to Utah, I slowly started packing on the pounds. I have no idea what I weighed when I got married, but I do now that when we moved to Montana in 2004, I hit my highest weight of about 165. I know that isn’t very heavy, but I hated how I looked. I tried different diets that I couldn’t stick to because I love carbs and chocolate too much. They would last maybe a week, before I was eating our weekly pizza and Dairy Queen again. I finally hit rock bottom a year or so later and joined LA Weight loss. I had to go in for weigh-ins 3x a week and the pounds were actually coming off. I was feeling great. I still snuck cheat days in here and there, and actually stopped going in for my weigh-ins after about 3 months. I did not give up though. I kept all my meal plan books and kept at it, and just bought my own digital scale. I also was working out 5 or more times a week. I am proud to say that I made my goal by the time we went on vacation to Florida. (March 2007, I think) The day we left on the plane I weighed 125, and felt awesome. I stayed around 125-130 until I got pregnant with Ethan. Pregnancy took a toll on me, and at 12 weeks post partum I was back at 160. I was still breast feeding, so it didn’t take me long to lose it all again. (pumping actually, and producing enough for at least 3 kids) I started a weight loss competition at work in Feb of 2009, and was at 129 by Ethan’s birthday on August 15, 2009. I can brag now, and say that I did win that competition. The best part was- losing weight was a piece of cake compared to the 1st time. I didn’t step foot on one piece of exercise equipment other than our wii, and I pretty much cheated at least 3x a week. I almost feel like I cheated, because it was so easy.
This brings me to my current situation:
I got pregnant again shortly after losing all my baby weight, and the vicious cycle started again. Unfortunately this time, I don’t have breast-feeding on my side. Instead, I have frustration, anger, stress, sadness, ect. I’m so mad at myself for gaining so much weight in the short 20ish weeks I was pregnant. I had a rough 1st trimester, so when I felt good enough to eat, I ATE. I ate whatever and how much I felt like I deserved. Once I started feeling better, I ate even more. Mostly because I didn’t fear throwing it up. I wasn’t watching what I was eating to say the least.
I guess that would make this my 3rd official weight loss journey. I am now determined to win, again. It has been very frustrating. I have to work 10x harder, and the weight isn’t coming off as fast as it did the last time. I started this journey back at my much hated 160, and am slowly making progress. I have fallen off a few times since I started, but have lost about 12 lbs so far. My mii on the wii isn’t overweight anymore. YAY! (we have a wii fit that I weigh in on)
Every time I want to splurge on a big mac or a huge amount of chocolate, I now here that line from the lesson in my head…”Don’t give up what you want, for what you want right NOW.” I want so badly to be at a weight that I am happy with. It is now a daily battle trying to convince myself that eating that brownie or fries is just giving up what I want, for what I want at that moment. I am not giving that up.
To be continued…
Friday, June 11, 2010
June 15, 2002
It all started when I was 16 years old. I was the teenager that came into the Hunter household wearing the tank tops and shorts that were too short. I was the one that nobody was sure of, because I was still in High school and Daniel was three years older than I was. Although everyone was kind to me, they often asked Daniel if he was sure that I was the one. Luckily for me, he was sure. (It didn't take them too long to realize I was ok.:)
Here we are, about to celebrate our 8th Wedding Anniversary. Which means, we have been together over 10 years. That's right, TEN years. Wow. That gives me goosebumps. Not only do I feel old, but amazingly blessed.
I often wonder what my life would be like if I didn't end up married to Daniel. I think of the friends I had before him, and the people I dated. It gets me all emotional to think of how hard my life would be if it wasn't for him. I probably wouldn't even be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Which is a huge thing for me. That has brought more joy and happiness to my life than ever imaginable. I also wonder, why me? Why am I so lucky to have everything. I have so much family that I see suffering in so many ways, and that would be me if it wasn't for Daniel. I just know it.
We have been through so much together, and I look forward to the many years to come.
Our marriage started in a tiny one room apartment in Provo, Utah. Daniel was in College, and working himself to exhaustion. I was working in retail, selling shoes. We moved on Back to Montana about 6 years ago. We are now homeowners, and Montana is a place we will probably always call home. I can only hope we are celebrating our
20th, 30th, and 40th Anniversaries here. One of the many positive things about getting married young: I will only be 58 when we celebrate our 40th Anniversary.
Here we are, about to celebrate our 8th Wedding Anniversary. Which means, we have been together over 10 years. That's right, TEN years. Wow. That gives me goosebumps. Not only do I feel old, but amazingly blessed.
I often wonder what my life would be like if I didn't end up married to Daniel. I think of the friends I had before him, and the people I dated. It gets me all emotional to think of how hard my life would be if it wasn't for him. I probably wouldn't even be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Which is a huge thing for me. That has brought more joy and happiness to my life than ever imaginable. I also wonder, why me? Why am I so lucky to have everything. I have so much family that I see suffering in so many ways, and that would be me if it wasn't for Daniel. I just know it.
We have been through so much together, and I look forward to the many years to come.
Our marriage started in a tiny one room apartment in Provo, Utah. Daniel was in College, and working himself to exhaustion. I was working in retail, selling shoes. We moved on Back to Montana about 6 years ago. We are now homeowners, and Montana is a place we will probably always call home. I can only hope we are celebrating our
20th, 30th, and 40th Anniversaries here. One of the many positive things about getting married young: I will only be 58 when we celebrate our 40th Anniversary.
Lightening McQueen-The Famous Race Car
Since Ethan was around 12 months old, he has had a thing for Lightening McQueen. (Or Queen, as he likes to say) As the months have passed, he has become more and more attached to him. He has at least 5 small Lightening McQueen cars, one large one, and all of his buddies. To name a few: Tow Mater, Doc, Sally, Wingo, Dj, Filmore, Sarge, Ramone, Guido, and that is about all I can think of. There is more though, I am sure of it! He can also tell us each of their names.
It is a rare occasion that he doesn't have McQueen/and or some other car in his hands. He carries them around all the time, even when we leave the house, to go for a walk or to play outside. He even insists on having them when he is sitting in his high chair. He will either eat with one hand, or park the cars in the cup holders.
On workdays, when it is time to go, he has to hurry and pick up the cars he wants to bring with him to Carol's house. Bedtime is especially interesting. It started innocently enough, with Grandma letting him bring one car to bed for his nap. Now, he brings as many as he can hold in his little hands. So it varies from 2-4 cars. Luckily, he is good at bedtime and just parks them by his pillow, and holds just one in his hand and goes to sleep. We have a video monitor, and I will check on him throughout the night, and sometimes he is sound asleep with a death grip on one of his cars.
Some kids have teddy bears, pacifiers, or blankets...mine chooses Lightening McQueen.
It is a rare occasion that he doesn't have McQueen/and or some other car in his hands. He carries them around all the time, even when we leave the house, to go for a walk or to play outside. He even insists on having them when he is sitting in his high chair. He will either eat with one hand, or park the cars in the cup holders.
On workdays, when it is time to go, he has to hurry and pick up the cars he wants to bring with him to Carol's house. Bedtime is especially interesting. It started innocently enough, with Grandma letting him bring one car to bed for his nap. Now, he brings as many as he can hold in his little hands. So it varies from 2-4 cars. Luckily, he is good at bedtime and just parks them by his pillow, and holds just one in his hand and goes to sleep. We have a video monitor, and I will check on him throughout the night, and sometimes he is sound asleep with a death grip on one of his cars.
Some kids have teddy bears, pacifiers, or blankets...mine chooses Lightening McQueen.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
One of the few things we are not sharing
I have gotten this question a lot: Did you name her?
I take no offense to it. I am a very open person and will share almost anything...but not that. Not sure why. I was just a few days away from 20 weeks, so we didn't get a death certificate, but did have her cremated and have her remains with us. The name would be unofficial anyway, I guess.
When the Schmidt family was visiting from Utah, I had Ryan give her a nickname. (For those who don't know Ryan...he gives nicknames to everyone. Mine is 48, and Daniel's is Cable TV, and I believe Ethan's is crunch and munch) He gave her the nickname of "Best Foods." So for now, we will call her Best Foods.
I take no offense to it. I am a very open person and will share almost anything...but not that. Not sure why. I was just a few days away from 20 weeks, so we didn't get a death certificate, but did have her cremated and have her remains with us. The name would be unofficial anyway, I guess.
When the Schmidt family was visiting from Utah, I had Ryan give her a nickname. (For those who don't know Ryan...he gives nicknames to everyone. Mine is 48, and Daniel's is Cable TV, and I believe Ethan's is crunch and munch) He gave her the nickname of "Best Foods." So for now, we will call her Best Foods.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Ethan amazes us on a daily basis
He is just sooo cute, and is always there to lift us up when we need it. He can make us laugh when we want to cry. He is learning sooooo much everyday. We had Daniel's sister Dawn and her awesome family here over memorial day and of course had loads of fun. The day they were getting ready to leave, Ryan (My autistic, OCD nephew that I LOVE LOVE LOVE. He is cooler than anyone I know.)was in the bathroom for the 100th time. So, Dawn was yelling at him to get out, and started counting sternly, "ONE...TWO......" and then we hear Ethan..TREE!!" It was so funny, but yet I was so proud. My heart melted a little!
After Ryan gets out of the bathroom: Dawn says, "Ryan, how many rolls of toilet paper have you used today?" Ryan: "THREE!" (It was only like 2 or 3:00 also:)
I love them!
I am currently trying to teach Ethan that he is going to be two. Just when I thought he got it, it went something like this:
Me: "Ethan, how old are you going to be?" Ethan: "TWO...(pause)...TREE"
At least he can count...a little bit.
After Ryan gets out of the bathroom: Dawn says, "Ryan, how many rolls of toilet paper have you used today?" Ryan: "THREE!" (It was only like 2 or 3:00 also:)
I love them!
I am currently trying to teach Ethan that he is going to be two. Just when I thought he got it, it went something like this:
Me: "Ethan, how old are you going to be?" Ethan: "TWO...(pause)...TREE"
At least he can count...a little bit.
My Journey through loss
As most everyone knows, the last few months have been very hard on us. I have put on a happy face and I really am coping well, but deep down there is a lot of pain we are still feeling on a daily basis. Losing a child during the second trimester of pregnancy isn't very common, and most people don't really know what it feels like. I had many people offer their condolences and share their experience of miscarriage. I appreciated all the kind words and prayers, but yet I still don't feel that anyone REALLY understands what it felt like. I then realized, nobody ever will. Which is fine, but there will always be that empty feeling in me knowing that I am the only one that will truly know what it felt like for ME.
April 12, 2010:
The day I found out that our world wasn't changing after all. I found out that I was pregnant on Christmas Eve 2009. I was shocked, but we were excited. The pregnancy was a lot harder than the last time. I had minor night sickness with Ethan, but I only threw up one time the whole pregnancy. This one, I threw up daily until I was about 15 weeks. At first it was in the morning, than at night. But there were times that I threw up in the middle of the day. It was just torture for me. And that is a sign of a "normal" pregnancy, so I never worried. I heard the baby's sweet heartbeat several times at my routine appts. It was always nice and strong. My Aril 12th appt came and I went in there like I did every other appt. Expecting to be in and out. I got there, and she went to check the hear beat and couldn't find it with the Doppler. She said not to worry, and that the baby was probably in an odd position. We went into the ultra sound room to take a look, and of course I was worried. My stomach was in knots. She started the ultra sound and didn't say anything for what felt like eternity. I then saw the look on her face. Another picture I can't get out of my head. She didn't even have to say anything. I don't even remember what she said. I just remember the look on her face. I laid there numb, while she went to get another Doctor to confirm it. I was so numb I couldn't even cry. She just sat there with me for a while and finally went over what we needed to do next. Because the baby was too big for a normal D&C, I had to be admitted into labor and delivery for an induction. She let me decide if I wanted to be admitted immediately or if I wanted to wait until that night or the next day. I chose the next day. I needed to get things straightened out for my work leave, get Ethan taken care of, and get my thoughts halfway straight. I left the doctor without even calling Daniel. I decided to just go to his work and see him in person.
Daniel took it a lot harder than I ever thought he would. Unfortunately I will never forget the look in his eyes, when I showed up at his work to tell him the news. At that moment, I'm pretty sure we were thinking the same thing...this has got to be a really bad dream. This isn't real...
Sadly, it was very real. So many things were running through my head, and I still think I was holding it together really well, because I was still in denial. It took me a few phone calls, and saying it out loud for me to realize that maybe it is real. Daniel still showed more emotion in the beginning than I did. I don't know if it is because I felt like I had to stay strong for him, or I just couldn't accept the reality of the situation.
My MIL showed up that night to care for Ethan while I was in the hospital. We got to Labor and Delivery at 7AM the next morning. I got checked in, and the induction started at about 8:30. It was a slow process, and time was dragging by. I wanted nothing more than to be in and out of there. Being in that L&D room brought back sweet memories, but at the same time, it was horribly painful knowing that we were leaving empty handed. I started feeling some pain at about 4:00. Up until that point it was just minor cramping. They kept telling me, that with the induction drug they use, the pain comes on fast and strong. And the amount of pain will be similar to what I felt with Ethan. Other than the pushing part will be cake compared to a full term baby. At about 4:15, I felt a gush of water. My water broke. I was screaming hysterically, mostly because I was scared. The nurse came in, and then quickly called the Doctor. It was time. Time to delivery my sweet baby girl. I was shaking uncontrollably. They kept offering me something for the pain, so I would calm down. I refused. I wanted to feel the pain. This whole time, I really was blaming myself. What had I done wrong? It had to have been something that I did. Although I had been told numerous times, it was not my fault. I knew it wasn't, but yet I couldn't stop blaming myself. If that makes any sense! I finally got the urge to push at about 4:30and it was all over. I was no longer pregnant. Done. My eyes remained closed this entire time. I was crying so hard I could breath. I was afraid to see my dead baby. The minute the baby came out was one of the moments I will never forge
t. I immediately heard the Doctor say, "It's a chromosomal problem. I can see it. Shauna, there was NOTHING you could have done differently." As I was hysterical, and with Daniel holding my hand, oddly enough we felt peace. Heavenly Father heard our cries, and felt our pain. He also saved our sweet baby a lifetime of pain and suffering. I did later choose to hold and see her, and a photographer did take photos of her all wrapped up in a blanket. Something I think we will cherish someday.
April 12, 2010:
The day I found out that our world wasn't changing after all. I found out that I was pregnant on Christmas Eve 2009. I was shocked, but we were excited. The pregnancy was a lot harder than the last time. I had minor night sickness with Ethan, but I only threw up one time the whole pregnancy. This one, I threw up daily until I was about 15 weeks. At first it was in the morning, than at night. But there were times that I threw up in the middle of the day. It was just torture for me. And that is a sign of a "normal" pregnancy, so I never worried. I heard the baby's sweet heartbeat several times at my routine appts. It was always nice and strong. My Aril 12th appt came and I went in there like I did every other appt. Expecting to be in and out. I got there, and she went to check the hear beat and couldn't find it with the Doppler. She said not to worry, and that the baby was probably in an odd position. We went into the ultra sound room to take a look, and of course I was worried. My stomach was in knots. She started the ultra sound and didn't say anything for what felt like eternity. I then saw the look on her face. Another picture I can't get out of my head. She didn't even have to say anything. I don't even remember what she said. I just remember the look on her face. I laid there numb, while she went to get another Doctor to confirm it. I was so numb I couldn't even cry. She just sat there with me for a while and finally went over what we needed to do next. Because the baby was too big for a normal D&C, I had to be admitted into labor and delivery for an induction. She let me decide if I wanted to be admitted immediately or if I wanted to wait until that night or the next day. I chose the next day. I needed to get things straightened out for my work leave, get Ethan taken care of, and get my thoughts halfway straight. I left the doctor without even calling Daniel. I decided to just go to his work and see him in person.
Daniel took it a lot harder than I ever thought he would. Unfortunately I will never forget the look in his eyes, when I showed up at his work to tell him the news. At that moment, I'm pretty sure we were thinking the same thing...this has got to be a really bad dream. This isn't real...
Sadly, it was very real. So many things were running through my head, and I still think I was holding it together really well, because I was still in denial. It took me a few phone calls, and saying it out loud for me to realize that maybe it is real. Daniel still showed more emotion in the beginning than I did. I don't know if it is because I felt like I had to stay strong for him, or I just couldn't accept the reality of the situation.
My MIL showed up that night to care for Ethan while I was in the hospital. We got to Labor and Delivery at 7AM the next morning. I got checked in, and the induction started at about 8:30. It was a slow process, and time was dragging by. I wanted nothing more than to be in and out of there. Being in that L&D room brought back sweet memories, but at the same time, it was horribly painful knowing that we were leaving empty handed. I started feeling some pain at about 4:00. Up until that point it was just minor cramping. They kept telling me, that with the induction drug they use, the pain comes on fast and strong. And the amount of pain will be similar to what I felt with Ethan. Other than the pushing part will be cake compared to a full term baby. At about 4:15, I felt a gush of water. My water broke. I was screaming hysterically, mostly because I was scared. The nurse came in, and then quickly called the Doctor. It was time. Time to delivery my sweet baby girl. I was shaking uncontrollably. They kept offering me something for the pain, so I would calm down. I refused. I wanted to feel the pain. This whole time, I really was blaming myself. What had I done wrong? It had to have been something that I did. Although I had been told numerous times, it was not my fault. I knew it wasn't, but yet I couldn't stop blaming myself. If that makes any sense! I finally got the urge to push at about 4:30and it was all over. I was no longer pregnant. Done. My eyes remained closed this entire time. I was crying so hard I could breath. I was afraid to see my dead baby. The minute the baby came out was one of the moments I will never forge
t. I immediately heard the Doctor say, "It's a chromosomal problem. I can see it. Shauna, there was NOTHING you could have done differently." As I was hysterical, and with Daniel holding my hand, oddly enough we felt peace. Heavenly Father heard our cries, and felt our pain. He also saved our sweet baby a lifetime of pain and suffering. I did later choose to hold and see her, and a photographer did take photos of her all wrapped up in a blanket. Something I think we will cherish someday.
The Diagnosis
Our baby girl was sent to a children's hospital for genetic testing to see what birth defect took her life. Several weeks later, we found out that it was Trisomy 21.(Down Syndrome) Although, that is not what we wanted to hear, we were grateful to finally have an answer. We were warned that there was a good possibility we wouldn't ever have a definite answer.
My Doctor suggested that Daniel and I get tested to see if one of us passed it on. Although it is more likely that it was just "bad luck" and something that probably won't happen again. We thought about it, but soon came to the conclusion that we aren't going to waste the time and money to get our blood tested. Why? It won't change anything. If we did pass it on, there is a chance it might happen again. If Heavenly Father wants to bless us with a special needs baby, we can accept that. I know it wouldn't be easy, but there is no doubt in our minds we would love the child just as much as we love Ethan.
After all is said and done, I am grateful for this trial we have had in our life. Although it isn't something I would wish upon my worst enemy, it has strengthened our marriage, our testimonies of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and has helped us appreciate what we DO have. I know without a doubt that we are given trials in life because Heavenly Father loves us, not because he wants to see us suffer. I am so grateful for an eternal marriage and my eternal family. I can't wait to meet that sweet spirit that has caused us so much grief....and throwing up. :)
There are still times when I am bitter and have a moment of "this isn't fair!!" It is getting easier day by day, but is something that will never be forgotten.
My Doctor suggested that Daniel and I get tested to see if one of us passed it on. Although it is more likely that it was just "bad luck" and something that probably won't happen again. We thought about it, but soon came to the conclusion that we aren't going to waste the time and money to get our blood tested. Why? It won't change anything. If we did pass it on, there is a chance it might happen again. If Heavenly Father wants to bless us with a special needs baby, we can accept that. I know it wouldn't be easy, but there is no doubt in our minds we would love the child just as much as we love Ethan.
After all is said and done, I am grateful for this trial we have had in our life. Although it isn't something I would wish upon my worst enemy, it has strengthened our marriage, our testimonies of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and has helped us appreciate what we DO have. I know without a doubt that we are given trials in life because Heavenly Father loves us, not because he wants to see us suffer. I am so grateful for an eternal marriage and my eternal family. I can't wait to meet that sweet spirit that has caused us so much grief....and throwing up. :)
There are still times when I am bitter and have a moment of "this isn't fair!!" It is getting easier day by day, but is something that will never be forgotten.
I am FINALLY joining the blogging world!
Just a warning though...my posts will be as scattered as my life! Most of my posts will be rushed, as I don't have a lot of time to sit on the computer. But, with Ethan growing and so many things happening, I want to keep family and friends informed on what is going on with us!
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