I know it has been almost 4 months now, but I still am struggling with a lot of emotions. I don't often show it, but I still think about it a lot. It is probably no surprise that when I see pregnant people I get a bitter feeling inside. I still think at times that it should be ME waddling around.
I told Daniel quite a while ago, that it really was hurting me to see pregnant people. Almost to the point that I wanted to avoid church. I got the idea that he had NO IDEA what it felt like. I haven't brought it up in a least 2 months. Today, as we are making lunch together, he said: "It is kind of annoying to see all the pregnant people at church."
For those that don't know him well, he doesn't mean they are really annoying. They are doing nothing wrong. We don't dislike them at all. The opposite actually. We consider the pregnant people we know friends. What he meant was, "It bothers me too." He is just too macho to word it in a way that would make him look overly sensitive. It still seems silly that this has me all excited, but it is sooooo nice to know that I am not alone!! I do feel stupid for feeling bitter towards people who are pregnant, so it is so nice to know that I am not alone!
If anybody who is pregnant reads this: I hope you don't take offense. We really wish nothing but good for you and your growing family! Please don't feel bad for us. Our time will come.
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I don't understand exactly, but I do know that we all have our 'losses' if you will, that when we see other people who have them it pains our hearts a little. When I see sisters together it makes my eyes sting and my stomach hurt.
ReplyDeleteI Love ya Shauna! thanks for sharing your emotions.
I can somewhat sympathize with how you're feeling. In the three years it took us to get pregnant with this little one, I cried buckets nobody but my husband knew about. And believe me, I was jealous of (and very angry about) the pregnant tummies I saw more than once--especially when we knew so many people who became pregnant twice while we struggled. It gets more bearable. And when you are expecting again, you'll be overjoyed.
ReplyDeleteThanks Lindsey. I know you can relate. I take for granted (like a lot of people) that I don't seem to have trouble getting pregnant. I can imagine how hard that probably was!
ReplyDeleteAnd Cherish, I agree. We all do have our losses. Your loss was huge, and I don't feel I can relate. All I know is how painful I think it would be. I think family is another thing that is easily taken for granted.
While I don't know what it's like to lose a child, in any way, I can only imagine what you are probably still going through (as I'm just now reading this a month and a half later). I am so blessed to have all 3 of my children here and healthy. Your secret sister gift was the first one I received. I got teary-eyed when I figured out what you girls were doing for me. When I opened the gift I really started crying. All I could think about was that this should be you soon, having a girl, and getting to dress her up - possibly even in this outfit. I felt so bad :( I can't imagine how you might feel now, as you should be holding your precious angel now. I pray things will get easier for you (and your family) as time goes on :) Love you!
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